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UVA Men's
Gold
Charlottesville,
Virginia Pod Games:
vs. Washington & Lee Black @
Fri 9pm, Park 1
vs. New York Law School Gray @
Sat 11am, Darden Towe 2
vs. Rutgers-Camden Men's B @ Sat 4pm, PVCC 1
| Division: |
Reg |
| Captains: |
Doug
Bouton & Andrew Mellen |
| Team Colors: |
Orange & Blue |
| Team Mascot: |
"Cav Man, the mustachioed cavalier and mascot of
UVA." |
| Team Beer: |
"Bud Heavy (see training regimen)" |
| Team Song: |
"Graduation Song (Friends Forever)" - Vitamin C |
| Roster: |
Stephen
"Gotta Play to
Win" Wendell – 3L – P/1B
David
“’Nuff Said” Sadder – 3L – IF/OF
Matt “You
Know Why!” Farmer – 3L – 1B/OF
Chris
"Boom Boom" Browne – 2L – 1B/OF
Andrew
"Peanut" Mellen – 3L - IF
Andy “The
Franchise” Koelz – 2L - IF
Brendan
"The Weatherman" Thomas – 3L - IF
Doug
"Bout it Bout it" Bouton – 3L - OF
Jason
"Face Salad" Rottner – 3L - OF
Tim
"Crank That" Coffield – 2L - OF
Peter
"That's What's Up" Strup – 3L – OF |
| Star Players: |
"1
- 'Boom Boom'
Browne because he has promised to sport a full mustache for tourney
weekend
2 -
'Rottenpants' Rottner for his filthy face salad
goatee." |
| Law Review Nerds: |
"Won't
even dignify this with a response..." |
| Team's History: |
"This
year's men's gold
squad is full of returners, but only two of its members have ever
tasted the
sweet, sweet flavor of invitational victory (in 2008).
However, the 2008
tournament experiences of current captains 'Bout it Bout it' and
'Peanut' could not have been more different. While 'Bout
it Bout it' struck out (looking) and botched the would-be final out on
a
routine fly ball in the championship game, 'Peanut' wooed fans with
his clutch (singles) hitting and stellar fielding. Indeed,
'Bout it
Bout it' seriously contemplated dropping out of law school to save face
after the 2008 Invitational - 'Peanut,' on the other hand,
strutted through the hallways of UVA Law as a softball legend, beloved
champ,
and bona fide stud.
Men's
gold entered the 2009 tourney a bit too big
for its britches and suffered a devastating semi-final loss to
Washington &
Lee. Apparently, putting up a whopping 4 runs just isn’t
enough to get
the job done in the semis. Needless to say, the loss sent
shockwaves
through the halls of the law school, and its effect on the morale of
the
student body was painfully visible well into the 2009-2010 school year.
To this
day, men's gold players face harsh criticism and profound
disappointment from
disgruntled students, professors, and deans.
With
nowhere to go but up, men's gold went back to
the basics (see practice regime below) and picked up the school’s
premier
players to fill up the roster. Nevertheless, while the team has beefed
itself
up with fresh talent eager to avenge the ’09 loss, bloggers and
sportscasters
nationwide have questioned whether this team's washed up (albeit
grizzled)
captains have what it takes to lead men's gold to the promised land in
2010.
Only time will tell." |
| Practice Regimen: |
"Simple
- GPB - Gym.
Practice. Booze.
Gym: This
arm of the tournament prep routine
coincided nicely with spring break, which fell just a few weeks before
the
tourney. The team’s pointed weight training regimen focused
entirely on
the VBMs (visible beach muscles - biceps, triceps, pecs, and abs), and
primed
the team not so much for on-field resilience, strength, and agility,
but more
importantly for the beautiful beaches of the team’s various spring
break
destinations. Any physical gains made were subsequently
squandered on
queso dip and skunked beer.
Practice:
Sometimes, we play softball.
Booze:
Bud Heavies are absolutely essential to the
success of any squad serious about winning softball games.
Bud Heavies
translate directly into old man strength. Surprisingly,
research has
shown little to no link between the ability to hit a softball and
actual
athleticism. Rather, studies have linked this skill far more
closely to
scruffy facial hair patterns, robust amounts of chest hair, and the
mysterious
phenomenon that can only be described as 'old man strength.'" |
| Want to Play Against: |
"Fordham
Dudes - Their
drunken berating of Columbia at last year's home run derby showed
everyone what
the tourney is all about
UVA Men's
Orange and Blue to round out an entirely
UVA/Fordham pod." |
| DON'T Want to Play Against: |
"Harvard
– Apparently
they’ve been growing their mustaches all winter in preparation for the
tourney.
We envision a full team resembling either our mascot or the
1972 Oakland
A’s. Either way, it sounds really intimidating.
Cumberland
- From their profile it sounds like
their girls could kick our asses." |
| Favorite Thing About the Tournament: |
"Being
big men on campus for the weekend." |
| The Tournament Would Be Better If: |
"...it
were declared a national holiday." |
| Anything Else?: |
"'That's
What's Up' Strup will undoubtedly be rocking baseball pants all tourney
long." |
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| Analysts' Take: |
OV-ER
RA-TED. |
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